Paranoia XP – Mission – Code Seven Cheap Shot

The following is a one-shot Paranoia mission that I wrote up to run in place of my normal Scion game for the day Scott was in town. It is basically a Zap game (as opposed to Classic or Straight – Classic being what I normally run) and was truly designed to be a Code 7, which is Troubleshooter dispatcher slang for a mission which will cost the Troubleshooters more clones than they have.

Paranoia XP RPG Cover

It would not be too hard to change a couple of things and make it a Straight game however. It isn’t the most amazing mission ever (the last game I ran which involved the TV show Wheel of Traitors and Vanna Bots conducting Unauthorized Turning was possibly more amusing) but feel free to use all or part of it in your own games or just shoot me some feedback about it.

I’m setting up the mission in the same format as the Mission Blender from the Mandatory Fun Enforcement Pack. I actually used the blender for a few of the decisions (I like to use it to fill in the gaps) so I’m sure you can find some similarities. Any of you who play Paranoia but have never used the blender… shame on you! It’s mandatory!

Overview: Bill-G-ATS, a loathsome mutant with the most powerful Machine Empathy ever seen, is trying to take over Alpha Complex! He is in hiding deep within the WIN sector and the players are being sent in to take him out.

The mission was meant to go to a group of Vulture Squad members who had been training for months to take down Bill but there was a bit of a mix up (that never happens!) and the players were given the mission instead. Bill has within his possession a plain-looking black disk. This disk contains… something… and all of the player’s secret societies have an opinion on what that is. They also have opinions on what should be done with Bill and with the disk. Let the mayhem ensue!

  1. Mission Alert – The players are each presented with a dossier bearing their name and where to report by a blue-clearance military citizen. The citizen will salute them and then wait for them to salute back before removing the document from a briefcase handcuffed at the wrist.
  2. Briefing – Phil – V – POP is the player’s briefing officer. He is stern, brief and shouts almost everything he says. He of course believes the players have been training for this mission for months and thinks that the whole idea is completely old hat for them. If they ask questions he responds with “This is no time for joking! The fate of Alpha Complex depends on you!” He will inform the players that Bill-G-ATS is their target and that he was last seen in the WIN sector. They are to report to Warren – B – FET who is a spy within Bill’s organization and will tell them where to go next.

    The players have not, of course, been trained for the mission they are being sent on. They were meant to be sent on a rather simple vat-guarding mission and if the GM finds it amusing the players could run into the Vulture Squad that has actually trained for the mission.

  3. Equipment List:

    • Force Sword – 7
    • Flame-thrower – 2
    • Sonic Pistol – 1
    • Sonic Rifle – 1
    • Gausse Gun – 1
    • Ice Gun – 1
    • Needle Gun – 2
    • Slugthrower – 3 (with a variety of ammo)
    • Knife – 16
    • Autocar
    • Copter
    • Chainsaw
    • Warbot – 2
    • Cotton Swabs
    • Chap stick
    • Hot Fun
    • Soap – 12
    • Towel – 9
    • Vacuum Cleaner
    • Goggles Protective – 6
    • Key chain Attractive
    • Key Chain ugly
    • Geiger Counter

    Outfitting – The players are given an extensive list of equipment (see right) they will need for the mission they are going on. Most of the equipment stands far above their security clearance and even worse when they get to the PLC offices (an immense building that feels reminiscent of either the DOD building in X-Files or the building at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark) they don’t actually have anything the players are looking for, but are very proud of how clean the building is. If the players begin to question the fact that the PLC office doesn’t have any equipment and yet they have shelves of large boxes they may discover that the boxes are all empty, part of the reason that the building is so clean.

    The PLC may be able to come up with a few of the items the player’s request but for the most part they will have nothing. Feel free to draw out the answers when the players ask if they have an item. This should be something like the Cheese Shop skit from Monty Python. If the players try to give the list to the PLC officer he will wave it away and just say “Ask for anything and I’ll grab it for you, no need for forms here.”

  4. Outfitting (Part 2) R & D – The players are told after going to PLC that they should report to R&D to finish their outfitting. They are given the following items to analyze and test.

    (Normally I like to make up a whole bunch of my own R&D items but since I only had a couple days to make this adventure I stole several things out of the Stuff book. If some other GMs would prefer to make up all of their own goodies I commend them.)

    • Robobutler Model 104n/CCL – Page 74 Paranoia XP, Stuff
    • Plasma Sword – Page 19 Paranoia XP, Stuff
    • Supper Serum – One vile is one dose. When a Troubleshooter drinks this they heal all wounds and gain five Violence (and five to all violence-related skills). Unfortunately they also gain red glowing eyes and begin to froth at the mouth and even more unfortunately they must pass a Management roll every turn or they attack the closest living (or robotic) thing. This effect lasts… until its no longer funny. Also note that the players will be expected to return the serum after they use it. This may pose a problem of course.
    • Targettron Super Subdermal Brain Implant Mega System – R&D will implant this device in one of the Troubleshooters. It gives that character two extra violence as it detects targets for them and moves their arm into position. Hopefully the Troubleshooter doesn’t run into any mutants with the Machine Empathy power. Wait…
    • The Whopper – Inside a vacuum-sealed canister with White Smokey Stuff billowing out when the canister is opened the R&D boys have a cardboard box with a deadly Old Reckoning weapon nestled inside. Yes that’s right… it’s a Whopper as in, the sandwich. Mistaking its name for a really big bomb they want the players to discover how it works.
  5. Secret Society Missions
    • Computer Phreaks – “Holy crap that Bill-G-ATS guy is swear! He has invented some mega nifty stuff and the disk he has in his possession probably has all the details about how to invent all that cool stuff. If we had a copy of that disk we could invent cool stuff too!” Your mission is to steal the disk from Bill long enough to make a copy of it. Your contact gives you a blank disk to copy the information onto but you will have to use a standard terminal to make the copy.
    • FCCC-P – “The Holy One has sent his son to guide us but the evil Bill-G-ATS has stolen the son and confined him to a disk!” You must steal the disk and bring it to the Inferreds and present it as the second coming of our lord.
    • Frankenstein Destroyers – “The disk is the key to destroying all bots, once and for all!” Bill-G-ATS plans to threaten us with shutting down all bots and he has a disk in his possession that can do just that. We need to steal it and put it into bots! It will destroy them, we’re sure of it! (Exactly what will happen should the FD player insert the disk into a bot is left up to the GM.)
    • Corpore Metal – “This is the perfect opportunity! The disk that Bill-G-ATS has in his possession can make any mere human into a supreme example of robot kind!” Get the disk and stick it in you and it will do its thing. If it doesn’t, get Bill to help you. Don’t ask how it works.
    • Humanists – “This disk is an abomination! Don’t even ask what it does, it’s just too horrible to think about, talk about, or figure out about! You must destroy it!” The disk is supremely resistant to all weapons and the player will need to be incredibly creative to destroy it.
    • Illuminati – “According to our Information X is a member of the Computer Phreaks. We think that they may have interest in a disk that Bill-G-ATS has in his possession. We can use this to our advantage!” Your mission is to make sure that the Computer Freak in your team is carrying the disk when your team enters the bathroom in sector WIN. Getting them to enter the location is your concern. The Computer Phreak entering the bathroom holding that disk will instigate operation Crud in the Tub with Liquid Jam! (If the player asks further questions about this mission they will be reprimanded. This mission goes well beyond the scope of this adventure and probably doesn’t actually exist besides.)

    (These missions are obviously designed to put the players in conflict with each other. Feel free to add more missions if you have more players or different Secret Societies but this is a major part of the mission and it would be best if all of the missions had something to do with the disk.)

  6. Service Services – This mission is far too critical for the Troubleshooters to be given anything else to worry about. Which of course means they have been assigned two missions that must be completed while completing the primary mission.
    • Watching the group sing this song was truly one of the highlights of this mission and quite frankly of my entire day. My wife tried to get a video of it but she couldn’t get the camera going fast enough and I don’t think they were up for a repeat performance.

      HPD & Mind Control – “Test our new song!” HPD & MC wants the players to judge the reaction of the new song they have written and determine if it is as inspiring the to the IR citizens as they think it is. Note, there is no music provided for the song.

      Serving is good and doing good is neat
      Don’t doubt the Computer or don’t get meat
      I am just one and one and then four more
      But I serve the computer from ceiling to floor

      I sing to the good guys but not to the bad
      Thinking of commies would make me sad
      But I’m not sad because the computer is cool
      And saying I’m sad, would make me a fool

      This is the end, of this really cool song
      We made it short so it would not be long
      I hope you enjoyed it and feel quite inspired
      And if you do not, the writer is fired

    • Internal Security – “Since you’re so well equipped, stop by sector LAF and quell a riot taking place at the Cafeteria” (Red, Orange and Yellow Citizens present). The citizens are rioting because a group of Mystics slipped something into the food. This really isn’t all that important but it does help to set the mood. Imagine an entire group of R, O, Y citizens tripping out of their minds on some acid-like substance and you get the idea. And yes, the players are not in any way equipped for this.

      HPD and MC is under the impression that the players are protecting food vats while Int Sec is under the impression that they are increadibly well geared for a highly impotant mission.

  7. The Mission – Proceed to WIN sector and meet up with Warren – B – FET. Warren is a very small man and will be found in some confined and funny place. Think of the chief from Inspector Gadget. Also like the chief the information that he gives to the players will explode after some unspecified amount of time.

    Then the players should proceed to Bill – G – ATS “secret lair” (a massive evil-looking fortress that is either incredibly well guarded or amazing poorly guarded as the GM sees fit) and kill Bill. Bill has taken over a lot of WIN sector and many of the citizens who live there now support him. Bill uses Guard Bots and War Bots as well as normal citizens to protect him, however he is very egotistical and unafraid and will not refrain from approaching the players.

    The mission is rather simple if the players actually manage to get to it. However simple does not mean easy. Once the players get a chance at the disk try to give them each a shot at doing something with it without it turning into a Benny Hill gag.

  8. Debriefing – The debriefing room is filled with luxuries unlike any the characters have ever seen before. They are treated as kings until someone comes in to inform Phil – V – POP, the debriefing officer something (he whispers that the players were not meant to be on this mission) and the officer shakes his head. “Well, it looks like there was a bit of a mix up. Turns out you were never meant to have gone on that mission. Well, this is unfortunate. You’re in no way trained for this kind of thing. Hmmm… and yet you survived. Must be treason.” He then casually leaves as lasers pop out of the walls and melt the entire room. (The players may not make it this far but that’s okay, this is a one-shot after all.)
  9. Outcome – Well, it ends with them all dying… how much more of an outcome do you need?
  10. I’m including a couple of handouts that I used for my game below. They aren’t much but handouts always help set the mood for Paranoia.

    I hope my players enjoyed the adventure and I hope you all enjoyed reading it. If anyone ends up using any of the ideas here I would love to hear about it!

    Scott Says:

    This game was super fun. Paranoia makes a great light-hearted game for one-shots, and our mix of players worked pretty well too.

    I’m actually a little amazed we managed to stay in character as much as we did considering that we were cracking up about once a minute 🙂